(Continuation to “Lames”)
I wish I could say that I finally have love cornered against the wall. or the fact that I’m absolutely bulletproof, but ladies and gentlemen…I am neither.
So, I take my co-workers advice and start an E-Harmony account. This will be my last and final shimmery hope of online dating. Silly me though….I made the mistake of getting a year account, which was $200! I thought I would get credited $20 per month out of my account. So much for my Loan bill….ugh…..
Two days on E-Harmony, I get a smile and a message from a handsome, Latino gentleman from Las Vegas — did I mention he is a Christian too. So now, I’m all pumped up and excited. He sends me 5 questions and I do the same. I get a message a few days later stating, “You are very beautiful and I would like to get to know you better.” I message him my phone number and I get an instant text saying, “Hi, this is Sergio*”
My conversations with Sergio turned from texting to straight up FaceTime. I finally got to see his face compared to the pictures and he looks the rapper Pit Bull!
He was also a Christian and seemed respectful, so I’m relieved that I’m finally talking to a gentleman. Even though we live 3 hours away, we agreed that I would come out there in mid-July to see if we will work out (first date compatibility). I did not want him to come out to my town because it’s boring and absolutely nothing to do. Vegas seems way much better!
So one night, we are doing Facetime and I said, “I submitted my leave in for mid-July and awaiting approval. I am going to go ahead and start looking at hotels.” Sergio says, “Why get a hotel? You can stay at my place.” I got one of those HOLD UP….WTF moments again….ugh….why!
I kindly said, “I would prefer to stay in a hotel since we are meeting each other for the first time. Plus, I’m celibate and looking for something serious. I just don’t think it would be a good idea to stay at your place.” He said, “I’m sorry. Did I offend you?” I said, “No, I am just playing it safe.”
As the days went on, I noticed our conversations lessened a bit, but he was still texting (I was too), so I didn’t get worried. During my business trip, I asked, “Do you want to talk tonight?” Then, I fell asleep. I woke up to a text saying, “I called you.” I’m like, “No you didn’t. Try again.” Since I was staying in a hotel at an Army base, the reception is TERRIBLE. So for 30 minutes we tried getting in touch with each other. Now, I’ll be honest….I LOVE MAKEUP and I’m very high maintenance.
This time, I had NO MAKEUP on. I thought “bump it.” I can’t be made up all the time. I want to be honest and real with this guy. I will never look like a model 24/7.
So, when he sees me on Facetime, he doesn’t look too happy. He could not get off of Facetime any faster. So I’m thinking, “Dang, did I look that bad?”
After our Facetime mishap, I got lesser texts than before. He used to call me “doll.” I wasn’t even getting that anymore. The last text I received from him was this past Friday which was, “Good Morning.” I texted back, “How are you?” and that was it. I didn’t get a reply or anything.
So, I had a pep talk with my mom about the strange events between Sergio and I. She felt like he is not talking much over the hotel issue. I did tell her that the talks became less over the hotel comment. My Dad laughed because he knew what was up.
So, there is this page on Facebook called RTAR (Real Talk About Relationships). I posted my current situation about Sergio and wanted to know what would be my next move. I heard different replies such as, “I wouldn’t go to Vegas now.”, “He’s after booty. Leave that alone.”, “Girl, I would go by myself and ‘turn up'”, and lastly, “You aren’t giving him a chance. Maybe call him and see what happens.” I know he was currently working on a boxing project involving Mayweather and I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt, but something in me didn’t settle right. A gentleman on the RTAR page gave me the best advice ever!
I mostly don’t do this (phone call dudes or blow up their phone) and I did not get the normal “Good Morning” text I would always get from, but I needed closure. This situation was frustrating me because I felt like I didn’t do anything wrong and this was a classic game.
So, I called and said, “Hey Sergio! This is Tijera. I hope your project is going well and I we haven’t talked in a few days, so I hope everything is good with you. Hit me up when you get a chance.” Ladies and gentleman…I didn’t get a call back or text and that was my signal. Silence from someone can give you the best and ONLY answer….move on! I have so much to do, I have to carry on.
The normal reaction for me is to get down a bit, which I did because I’m just tired of games.
I’m in my 30’s and actually looking for something real. I’m not about sex (like I was in my 20’s or after my divorce) or treating people bad (asking for money and using dudes). I’m not the type of woman to ask about light bill or gas money and not even know the dude.
One thing I notice about men these days is that they say they can handle and independent, self-made woman who has her own, but deep down they feel like they are losing control or don’t feel deserving of me, which again is not my problem. I would rather rise with someone, then have to drag them all over the place. What happened to “power couples?”
I don’t deserve it
She’s just a little too perfect
She’s just a little too worth it
I don’t deserve her at all, no not at all
I only text her, man I never call
I’m still a canine at heart, I’m a dog
Company ~ Drake
On the other end, I don’t need a man inquiring about booty and not wanting to get to know me. These times are definitely rough. Money and sex are the main motivation instead of love. In my personal and humble opinion, he could be talking to more than one girl. In these situations, the sluttiest one WINS! I just want something real, even though I have some days when I want to give up and just get laid. I am starting to feel that being the “good girl” and doing the right thing sometimes takes a toll. I feel like I’m finishing last.
“To be honest I find it hard to believe that there’s someone out there that would be able to spend the rest of their life with me.”
It took me a day or two to realize that I didn’t do anything wrong and I walked away proudly (again for the millionth time). I don’t have to text him constantly or get “ratchet.” Sometimes I let things get to me or think I’m not good enough. I think I have something (relationship/love) in the bag, but it slips out of my hands. You know what though? It’s his lost & his problem, not mine. I don’t have time for games & bs. In all honesty, I’d rather would of respected Sergio more if he was honest & said that I wasn’t the girl he wanted or didn’t want to wait. Instead, he went away silently and faded into the black. It goes to show you that he wasn’t man enough for me. I shouldn’t have to lower my standards or act like a loose whore to get a man’s attention.
So instead of focusing on stupid men and games, I’m taking that different “angle” and it feels good. I’m getting caught up at work & 9 classes left until my Bachelor’s degree. I just try and keep my mind & motivation on the REAL things that matter!
Hopefully one day I get to finally achieve what I want in love!